


One Anxious Night

by Nara



Series: The Mental Illness Chronicles [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety doesn't go away just because you love someone, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, no real resolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 12:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12682389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nara/pseuds/Nara
Summary: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know just how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away.~~~Yuuri cries in the night. Viktor is there, and always will be.





	One Anxious Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of a situation that happened when I was dating my ex. Anxiety spirals are no fun, they're no fun whatsoever, but it always helps when you have someone who cares about you.

Curled up in bed with Viktor, Yuuri sighed shakily when the anxious thoughts began to roll in. It was at night, when Viktor was asleep, that the thoughts he was able to keep at bay during the day began to circle around his mind, spiraling until he couldn’t take it any longer.

Yuuri pulled away from Viktor’s embrace slowly and carefully, so as not to wake the man. He inched towards the edge of the bed and hugged himself tightly. It was cold, now. He had been warm in Viktor’s arms, warm and, well, content was not the right word. But as close as he’s ever come to happy. That was until his brain started working in overdrive when he couldn’t sleep. Shivering, as far away from Viktor as possible in their shared bed, this is what he deserved. Yuuri bit his lip, trying to keep his tears from falling. He didn’t notice Viktor frown in his sleep as he shifted, noticing the lack of Yuuri in his arms. Yuuri hiccupped quietly – thinking, thinking, overthinking everything. Unbidden – he remembered earlier in the day. 

~~~~

Yuuri and Viktor were hanging out with their friends ( _their_ friends, he forced himself to emphasize, they were his friends too. He knows that.) They were just hanging out over drinks and a game of pool at the bar nearest their hotel. It was casual, it was comfortable, and Yuuri was Not Okay. Viktor was laughing at something, his arm around Yuuri, and Christophe winked. Phichit was snapping photos for Instagram, Yuri was yelling about something or other that no one was paying attention to. It was normal. But today was not a good day for Yuuri. He couldn’t help but feel alone. He couldn’t help but feel that his friends were having fun in spite of him, not with him. He excused himself quickly to go to the bathroom.

Yuuri put down the toilet seat and sat, his head in his hands, and he began to cry. He was the worst. Here he was, out with his _friends_. People who loved him, and cared about him, and he was locked in the bathroom crying. He didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve Viktor. He deserved to just lay on the disgusting bathroom floor and cry. So that’s exactly what he did. Slowly the tears stopped, and he was just lying on the floor, trying not to think. He didn’t know how long he lay there but eventually there was a knock at the door.

“Hey, Yuuri? You okay in there? Because I really need to pee when you’re done. I can go back to the hotel though if you’re going to be a while” 

It was Phichit. Yuuri got up off the floor and flushed the toilet to make it sound like he was finishing up using the bathroom. He rubbed at his eyes and splashed some water on his face. Unlocking the door, he kept his gaze on the ground. He didn’t want Phichit to worry. He’d rather the others think he’d had stomach issues than know the truth. Physical illness he could explain away. He could pretend he’d be better tomorrow. But when it was his brain that was hurting him, well, there was no fixing that.

He looked up at Phichit and gave him a watery smile. “Yeah, I’m okay now. Sorry.”

Phichit looked unsure. He opened his mouth to say something when a voice came from behind them, back towards the bar.

“Are you okay, _zolostye_?”

One look at Viktor rounding the corner with his eyes full of concern caused Yuuri to break down.

“No,” he whispered, “I’m not okay” and he began to sob.

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri, and it wasn’t long before Phichit followed, creating a Yuuri sandwich. Yuuri continued to sob.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled, over and over again, “I’m sorry.”

~~~~

Yuuri whimpered and hugged himself tighter, squeezing his eyes shut as tears fell silently down his cheeks. He was such a goddamn mess. Why did Viktor put up with him? Why did Phichit, or any of their friends, for that matter? He choked back a louder sob, really not wanting to wake Viktor. There was nothing wrong. He knew that. But that didn’t stop his brain from telling him that something was wrong. He couldn’t enjoy time with his friends or with the man he loved. And he knew one day it would drive them all away and he would be alone, just like he deserved.

Viktor shifted behind him in bed. “Yuuri,” he murmured sleepily, “Why are you so far away.”

Yuuri whimpered. “This is where I deserve to be.”

Viktor was awake now. He moved towards Yuuri, gathered him up in his arms. “Oh no, my _solnyshka_. This is where you deserve to be. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Over the course of their relationship, Viktor had gotten much better at comforting Yuuri when he was in an anxious spiral. At the beginning, he was awful at it. He would say the wrong things, he would pat Yuuri awkwardly on the head, and they would both leave the encounter feeling worse than when they entered. But Viktor knew now what his Yuuri needed, and he would be there for him.

Yuuri was openly sobbing now. “I’m sorry. Nothing’s wrong. I’m sorry.”

Viktor hugged Yuuri tighter. “There’s no need to be sorry. Tell me what’s on your mind, then.”

“I’m sorry, Vitya. I don’t understand why you put up with me. Why Phichit puts up with me, or any of you do.”

“Oh Yuuri,” Viktor sighed, “We don’t just put up with you. We love you. We care about you. Do you think any of your friends would waste their time with you if they didn’t care about you? They’re busy people.”

Viktor stiffened immediately after the words left his mouth, afraid he said the wrong thing, but Yuuri merely sniffled and nodded turning so that he was snuggled into Viktor’s chest.

“I know,” Yuuri sighed. He appreciated Viktor’s bluntness, even when it stung, or the words didn’t come out quite right. Viktor relaxed and hugged Yuuri tighter.

“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki. Don’t you forget that.”

The corners of Yuuri’s lips turned upwards slightly. “I love you too, Vitya. My Vitya. I love you. I’m sorry.”

Viktor kissed Yuuri’s hair and pulled the covers up over both of them. They knew this would not be the last time that Yuuri cried anxiously in the night, just like they knew it was something they would face together every time it came up. It was work, exhausting both of them, but they loved each other, and Viktor knew he would always be there for Yuuri, just like Yuuri would always be there for him. Together they would make it through.


End file.
